I am writing this letter with the sting of cultural appropriation in my fingertips. Never before have I been more insulted and appalled by a manifestation of covert bigotry in our supposedly ‘civil’ society. Now, I enjoy frivolous entertainment as much as anyone. It is a rare weeknight on which you will not find me out carousing and causing moderate, politically correct mayhem. But I will never stoop to enjoy myself at the expense of a misrepresented minority, however fun that might sound.
Last week’s ‘Big Top Ball’ has left me aflame with righteous indignation. The ‘Big Top Ball’ is to the circus trade what Nicky Minaj is to R n’ B. It has left skid marks of intolerance down the hitherto unsullied porcelain of our town’s cultural toilet bowl. As an officially registered circus clown, it caused me significant emotional torment last week to have to look upon the dowdy tip of the big top tent poking from behind the Lower College walls, like Satan’s erect nipple. I am appalled, sir! Appalled! I have been a subsidiary member of a travelling circus for three years, and in that time I have never once seen a ‘bean bag toss’, or anything else being tossed for that matter! It is this kind of seizure of supposedly apt cultural symbols that leaves me hot-cheeked.
Also, I know several eminent ringmasters, and all of them stopped wearing top hats years ago. The top hat, in a real circus, is frowned upon as a safety hazard. How would you like to be swooping gracefully through the air on a trapeze, just to be impeded by an unexpectedly tall piece of headgear? Several patrons of the ‘Big Top Ball’ decided to overlook this particular detail. No, watching a bunch of culturally oblivious jackanapes stuff themselves with (poorly synthesized) candy floss was too much for me, and when I fled, the two behemoths at the door actually denied me my money back, claiming it was a ‘charitable donation’. Circus representatives would never deign to swindle true enthusiasts out of their hard-earned cash on the hollow grounds of ‘charity’. Well, they can take my money, but they will never take my red-nosed, pinstriped soul. I for one will be boycotting the Big Top Ball next year, and I hope you will join me in spreading my message. End this despicable whoring out of noble, cultural institutions!
I would just like to use this opportunity to advertise the forthcoming Circus Society annual bop, held in the Multi Faith Space in Agnes Blackadder Hall. Theme: ‘Indian spice’
I remain, faithfully yours,
Bobo the Clown, 3rd year, Soc. Anthropology.