For every reaction, there’s a University Press Office overreaction
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LIBRARY SOLVES OVERCROWDING!

Just in time for one of the busiest periods of the year, with mounting deadlines and summer exams, the University Library unveiled its proudest brainwave to date over spring break.

“We were all extremely concerned about the capacity of the library in light of overcrowding as a result of a growing student body, but luckily we had a last-minute of flash of inspiration,” grinned Eric MacPherson as he spun around in his seat at the reception desk and shouted at stressed students for trying to bring cups of coffee without lids into the library.

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“After lengthy discussions, our master plan was given the green light: why not clear an absolutely massive space on the ground floor and replace it with one fucking huge elaborate seat enclosed in a metal box?”

The new ‘SafePod’, comfortingly reminiscent of the suicide booths from Futurama, were met with general bewilderment and distress from the students, who stared at it like a first year SD student at a word over eight letters.

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“I am so pissed off, completely gutted,” spluttered one student, “With every one fewer seat on the ground floor, the likelihood that I’m going to have to go upstairs where people tut at you for loudly using Skype in a building dedicated to academic pursuits increases.”

However, supporters for the installation were to be found:

“This is literally a godsend” chirped Gary, a Computer Science major, gazing at the tinted windows of the most expensive investment the university has undertaken ever since it built the St Salvator’s Chapel, “Now I can crack one off at ease without worrying about losing Eduroam in one of the toilet cubicles”.

Hitherto, a grand total of two students have dared enter the ‘SafePod’, neither of whom have been seen since.

N.B. The Sinner contacted The Saint in the interest of a comment from a ‘respected’ student publication, but instead was shouted at, insulted, interrupted every three seconds and had all of its words distorted out of context.

This article was featured in our April 2015 print edition.



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