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Association Election Candidates in Sex Party Scandal!

Several high-profile Sabbatical candidates have been identified among those present at a drug-fuelled sex romp hosted by current President Pat Mathewson, The Sinner can reveal.

The romp is believed to have taken place last Friday, during Mathewson’s annual Campaign Week potluck dinner. At least four of the guests are currently running for Students’ Association positions, including DoRep and DoSDA hopefuls Jack Carr and Caroline Christie, DoES candidate Sina Dashtebozorgy and Presidential aspirant Annie Newman.

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All Rights Reserved: Sweet Caroline for DoSDA, Sina for DoES, Choose Charlotte for Association President

The allegations have emerged only a week after Mathewson made an official statement condemning drug-fuelled sex romps as ‘inappropriate and unhygienic’. So much for incumbents. Christie, Carr and Newman have all taken a hard line against sex romps in recent weeks, notably choosing to omit any mention of them from their manifestoes. Perhaps Newman might have done well to employ the same ambivalence as rival candidate Charlotte Andrew, who says of drug-fuelled sex romps: ‘personally I’ve never been one for heavy petting, let alone group sex, but what this boils down to really is a matter of fiscal transparency’.

Leaked footage of the event has gone viral on social media. The three-minute clip clearly depicts Dashtebozorgy and Carr ‘tussling’ in a paddling pool, while Christie appears to spray them with olive oil. Although the picture quality suffers from under exposure and low resolution, these are not charges you could level at the party guests, all of whom are completely exposed and truly resolute in their various filthy tasks.

Nor does Newman escape the camera’s gaze. The SRC officer can be seen wearing a Donald Trump mask as she whips a bikini-clad Mathewson around the room like a naughty pony. Again, due to the grainy picture quality the minutiae are hard to make out, but it appears that Newman is chugging a cocaine-milkshake from a wine bottle while singing show tunes.

 

Annie derived little to no pleasure from flagellating Pat; this was merely a publicity stunt to make her more relatable to the electorate.

All rights reserved: Plan A: Annie Newman for Association President

All rights reserved: Plan A: Annie Newman for Association President

 

This sleazy debacle may appear to jeopardise the candidates’ election prospects, but according to a spokesperson from Newman’s campaign team, ‘Annie derived little to no pleasure from flagellating Pat; this was merely a publicity stunt to make her more relatable to the electorate.’ Inexplicably, it looks like this ‘stunt’ may have paid off. Newman and Carr can both boast a surge in Facebook ‘likes’ since the video’s release.

‘It’s despicable!’ said DoES hopeful Taryn O’Connor, who wasn’t invited, ‘these are meant to be role models for younger students. What kind of example are they setting when they don’t even invite ME to their sex romps?’ O’Connor’s chagrin is well founded; rumours are circulating that even RON was invited.

More as this story unfolds.



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