CUPAR, FIFE – A dyed-in-the-wool Conservative has blamed her unflinching right-wing views on a local launderette, which she says has been working hardline Toryism into the fabric of her garments for years. The woman in question is Sue Erskine, a schoolteacher and campaigner for the Scottish Conservative Party. Hailing from a family of working-class socialists, Erskine claims that she hasn’t always held such vehemently conservative beliefs, but ever since she started taking her jumpers and trews to a local launderette, her sympathies have lunged dramatically to the right. ‘It must be some kind of sorcery’ considers Erskine, ‘either that, or it’s the pastel blue tint they dye everything with’. Erskine’s indignation at the launderette’s dying her wool with Conservative views is second only to her intense dislike for immigrants and social welfare.