The Director-General of the Institute of Economic Affairs has publicly expressed his shock and disappointment that complicated geopolitical realignments and shifts in the global market had little to no bearing on the vote of Phyllis, seventy-two, from Lincoln.
Mark Littlewood, former press spokesman for the Liberal Democrats and one of the Leave Campaign’s most illustrious poster boys, is reported to have been ‘visibly shaken’ by the realisation that Phyllis, a retired sales assistant, based her decision to vote out of the European Union on a deep-rooted suspicion of foreigners rather than a subtle understanding of the vicissitudes of international politics and economics.
Many Eurosceptics, Littlewood included, have hailed a Brexit as a timely rejection of European political heterogeneity and federalism, regarding ‘ever closer union’ as entirely unnecessary in a globalised world of unilateral tariff reduction and pan-continental single market law. Phyllis pretty much just doesn’t like Polish people.
‘They’re taking our jobs!’ says Phyllis.
Littlewood, who once advocated the UK’s entry into the Eurozone, says that he is ‘shaken to the core’ by the fact that most people didn’t bother carefully dissecting the legislative data attached to the World Health Organisation, the ILO, the Kyoto accord and the UN’s Codex Alimentarius, but instead based their vote on the fact that hijabs make them uncomfortable. ‘Why don’t the majority of people see that by subscribing to cumbersome EU directives, the UK is simply following decisions it would have made anyway at a global level of consensus without first wading through reams of bureaucratic red tape in Brussels?’
Phyllis countered Littlewood’s comments with: ‘the EU’s outmoded regulatory framework in an era of economic globalisation literally never crossed my mind, I just have an irrational aversion to foreign people. And a cold, shrivelled heart.’